Retrospect
Retrospect
Dating In The Modern World | Retrospect Ep.206
In this week’s episode we discussed the complexities of building romantic connections in an age shaped by technology, shifting values, and evolving expectations. From the influence of dating apps to the challenges of communication and emotional vulnerability, we take a closer look at what it really means to seek meaningful connection. Dating today looks nothing like it did a generation ago.
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Dating in the modern world, digital marketplace, intimacy, algorithms, vulnerability, choice, connection, wedding planning, car repair, honeymoon, social media, ghosting, financial stability, emotional connection, traditional dating., relationships, security, primal desires, modern world, opinions, YouTube comments, Spotify comments, email, like and subscribe, share, technology, attention vs affection, intimacy, boundaries, courage
Jason 0:01
In every generation, love has worn a different mask. Once upon a time, it was chance encounters on city streets, long letters written by candlelight or introductions whispered by family and friends. But today, love is sought in the glow of our screens, profiles become portraits, swipes become destiny, and in a world of infinite options, intimacy has never felt more fragile. We chase connection through algorithms. We gamble with vulnerability in a digital marketplace of hearts, and we wrestle with the haunting question, is this abundance of choice bringing us closer or pushing us further apart? This is a story of dating in the modern world where romance is re imagined, rewritten and sometimes lost in translation.
Ian 0:59
welcome to the retrospect podcast, a show where people will come together from different walks of life and discuss a topic from their generations perspective. My name is Ian, and as always, I'm joined by Jason.
Jason 1:24
Hello, everyone,
Ian 1:25
and Stoney,
Stoney 1:25
Hello.
Ian 1:26
How's it going?
Jason 1:27
Well, I'm gonna tell you I'm I'm actually pretty excited right now, because I feel like I'm fixing to save a whole bunch of money on a on my car repair. Okay? I talked about last week, yes. So it looks like I'm going to be coming out a whole lot better than what I thought I would be. So I actually feel pretty good
Ian 1:48
right now. What? So, so what was the verdict? Is it?
Jason 1:50
Well, I'm getting my some parts of my, my AC replace in the car. And, yeah, I can only imagine what the dealership would have charged that's probably about an $1,800 job with them, but luckily, the gentleman that Stoney, you know, recommended and is going to be able to get the work done for a fraction of that cost. So considering I've got a lot of expenses coming up, you know? I mean, everybody knows I'm getting married, it'll be in February. We've already selected the date.
Stoney 2:31
Oh, wow, this is NEWS, yeah. Okay,
Jason 2:34
February 13. Okay,
Stoney 2:36
so Friday, why not just make it the 14th? Because the
Jason 2:39
reception hall is not available, right?
Ian 2:42
And he wanted, specifically, Friday the 13th.
Jason 2:49
It was actually, I wanted to get you on saying Valentine's Day, really, but we can't do it because the reception hall that Tracy likes in we actually, I like it too. They're booked that Saturday, so Friday was open. So, you know, we'll take it. It'd be kind of neat getting married on Friday the 13th, but we'll be able to celebrate Valentines and our anniversary pretty much the same weekend. So, so, yeah, so I've we just, we're fixing to spend a right, spend a little bit money, and, you know, we're getting some help from our family too. I mean, you know, it's like anything, but so no, most of it, most of it is being funded by us, yeah, but we're also looking at honeymoons and just kind of seeing places we can go. I know we were looking at that the other night, and that's awesome. There's a couple places, I think, down in Antigua and St John that we're looking at
Ian 4:03
right now. Tegu has got some great coffee,
Jason 4:05
yes. So, so, yeah, so we're, we've been busy with all that. So as much as I can save right now, because I know I've got, you know, yeah, big, I got big, big, big, big expenditures coming up so, but I'm excited about that. But overall, man, that's awesome. So no new car right now, no, but we did go look, and I think the car right now that is at the top of my list. It was going to be a Genesis, yeah, I think I've switched to an Acura, really. Yeah, I test drove like three of them this past weekend, and I really like the ride of the Acura. I think a
Ian 4:51
friend of mine had the TL or something, or TLX, or whatever it is, and he loved
Jason 4:56
it. They got some beautiful, I tell you, if I had, I. Yeah, you know, somebody just said, Here, here's, you know, here's 80, here's 80 grand. You just, you got to spend on a car. Yeah, that's, I'd go get, probably the accurate type S, yeah, it would be the one I would get. I mean, it's just fine, yeah, I mean, and it's just nothing like a new car, smelly. Get in, and it just isn't, you know, I mean, it's just golly, it's like, there's a reason I buy new cars. Yeah, I know people say that's a terrible investment, and I know it's a terrible investment, but, you know, I all depends on how you look at it. If you keep a car 10 years, buying a new car is, you know, I think it's you get your money out of it, right? That's awesome. It's people who change out cars every few years that, you know, I would not recommend buying new cars.
Stoney 5:53
What did my buddy ask you today? He says, Is it paid off? Yes, it is. Well, now it's making you money,
Jason 5:58
right? Exactly. I say that all the time. I mean, you know, these, even the original repair estimates, even if a repair is two grand, I said that's still cheaper than $50,000 yeah, it just is, yeah. I mean, no matter what you how you play it. Now, the question is, it's, you know, I mean, let's be honest, it was just me, right? I would be like, you know, I can roll with it, and I'll wait to possibly when the interest rates get a little bit better on some of these cars. But you know, it's not just me anymore, exactly, and I have to take into consideration other people's opinions that I value. And, you know, I want them to be happy and to, you know, to be able to enjoy being for in a car that would be very comfortable for long
Ian 6:58
drive, exactly, especially for a long time, for the foreseeable future, yeah,
Jason 7:03
because, I mean, we, I mean our plan is we're going to travel. I mean, so we're, I do want a car that's going to be comfortable and nice and stuff like that. So, you know, but my, my inherent nature is I hate making large purchases. Yeah, there's a psychology behind it with me. It's like, it, it paralyzes me, really, yeah, so I hate shopping for new cars. I just hate it. It's the most stressful thing. I went through this when I bought the car I have now, right? I went through this. I hated it, hated it, hated it. It was like, you get to a point like, you kind of like it's a breaking point. Just grit my teeth and do this and go home. I'm just not in a good mood, of course, period. But just, that's just me. Yeah, no, I'm just that way some people, oh yeah, there's a paper. Let's go. You know, other not me. I'm just not because I always feel like I'm getting screwed. Yeah, you are getting screwed. Yeah? Oh yeah, I do. And because I know that, that just makes me even more angry, you know? So it's just what it is. So, yeah, just
Stoney 8:13
speaking of getting screwed. Oh, whoa, buddy.
Jason 8:17
Wow. What an opening. Yeah.
Stoney 8:19
What's the topic for today.
Jason 8:23
I actually, I'm glad I kind of opened that up so now you can come back on that. That's pretty good. Yeah, we're talking about
Stoney 8:32
something that I can say. Thank you, Jesus. I don't have to deal with ever again in my life.
Jason 8:39
Yeah, dating in the modern world. Thank you, Jesus. I'm telling you body doctors. You know, when we talked about even bringing this topic up as a potential talking, you know, something we talked about on show, you know, I've been in, I was in the dating world. You know, most you know, you were professional. I was a professional date. And really, you know what, I was fine with that. I never really, I never really found the person that I really, truly could bond with. There was always things, yeah, you know, it's sort of like a checklist, you know, you got, you know, five out of five boxes, or maybe four out of the five, or, right, three out of five, or whatever the case may be. I never could get date, date, anybody that had all the boxes that I could check off, right? And I was, you know, the good Lord was, was gracious and helped me meet Tracy. And you know, I never thought in a million years, be honest with you. You know, a couple years ago I would ever right. I would ever entertain, ever getting married. I just thought that I was just going to be single. And. That was it, and I was okay with that. I really was, you know, I'm not somebody that needed to have that. I felt like my life was was pretty full and but, you know, it definitely is a lot richer now, of course, to have that, to share that, especially as you get older. I mean, the reality is, I mean, it's good while you're can kind of run and gun, but there are times when you probably are not going to be at a running gun.
Stoney 10:30
And why does it seem like the really good looking people are always busy? Hold on, I can't tell you I'm busy, right?
Jason 10:39
You know, I don't know. I mean, so, I mean, I, I'm no longer in the dating world. So that's, that's, you know, that world is over with for me.
Stoney 10:47
And we got one married, one engaged, and one got one single.
Jason 10:52
So, and for the longest time, it was one married, you were also in,
Stoney 10:56
uh, I guess I was and you was the single and I was
Jason 10:59
the single. Yeah, right. So it it happens. And sometimes when you really aren't looking, oh, and that's when it happens. And I urge people, because, I mean, there are people that battle loneliness, and in a lot of people psychologically, it weighs on them. It really does. And when I was younger, I could, I could, it really didn't bother me at all, right. But, you know, at my age now, especially, especially when I came down with my back injury, oh yeah, and I was, I was down for the count. I mean, I couldn't move. I couldn't bend over to even tile shoes. I forgot about that. I couldn't do anything. I mean, I was getting my sister to come over to my house to just put my shoes on, or just help me do that so, you know. And just like, you know, what would happen if I really was down for an extended period of time?
Stoney 12:09
Well, I remember everybody kept telling me, you need to quit messing with them young girls, and you need to find somebody that can recognize the signs of a stroke stuff. And then I had one. Hey, thank god Miranda was around, and she's a doctor, and she's like, Hey, that's a stroke doctor.
Jason 12:25
You know, is it? A lot of people will say it's tough getting older alone, and there are challenges with that. And I'm not going to sit here and for those listeners out there who are single, still in a dating world. I'm not saying being single is this terrible deal. It's it's like this unfulfilled life. You can fill your life up however you like to fill your life up, and I would hope most people would fill their life with good things, yeah, and not destructive things. And one thing I've noticed with especially with guys, I don't know how it is with the female side, but with guys, there are a lot of guys that you know, either when they come from out of a divorce or or if they are single, they they oftentimes lead a kind of somewhat of a destructive life. As far as their habits. They don't take care of themselves, they drink too much. They're sleeping with every girl they can find, and the health risk involving that in today's world, yeah, just the psychological effects of that kind of hookup culture. Yeah, it's all negative, and I think it drags you down. It never really brings you happiness. So it's important, if you are single, is to fill your life with very positive things that keep you up and help you navigate that. Because eventually you're going to get to an age where you're going to, you're not going to have it. Oh yeah, okay, you're not going to have it.
Ian 14:06
And there was, trust me, when I say, like, I got out of a relationship June of last year, so we're now a year and a couple months into me being single, and there was a there, and I'm going to be transparent, there was a few months where I was like, I'm just gonna, I definitely led that, like, not not the full extent of that, but like, I definitely I was a bit sad, and I was bit cooped up, and it is what it is, but after a certain point, I was able to get out into, like, certain areas of my community and friends and reach out and kind of, and now that it's been a year out, I feel for me personally now I feel better to put myself out there, not only just like in like a friend sense, and like hanging out and going out more and just, you know, engaging in life in a new way, but also like opening myself up to the idea of someone being interested in me. Because before. Four, I was like, I don't want to just jump into something, because no relationship that I was in tendency is to do that, right? I didn't want to.
Stoney 15:07
Well, every like you said, Everybody's looking for happiness, but, and I've found in my extensive years, even from all the way back in the hammer and chisel days with you know, the marble tablets, if you're not happy with yourself, you're never going to be happy with somebody else. And Jason, you sound you were happy with your life, and I was happy with my life. I was unhappy with the dating world. And I can remember sitting on one of my best friend's couches saying, I'm done. I'm just gonna be a professional hoe. I'm just gonna, you know, just, I'm just gonna date. I'm not gonna try to date anybody serious. I'm gonna go have some fun. If I'm by myself, I'm by myself, if there's somebody to go out with, I'm gonna go out with. And two weeks later, they introduced me to Miranda, and I knew that night I was marrying her, because my mentality had changed. I wasn't looking for someone to fulfill me. I was happy, and then I found someone that fulfilled me even greater than the expectations that I even thought was possible. Now I know that's the God thing, but I just I was done dating after 50 is like finding the least broken thing at the thrift store that doesn't smell and it's horrible. It's just it's, it's rough
Jason 16:30
for a man, yeah, for a man now depends on, depends on, on where you're at in life. I mean, for, for the vast majority of men, a lot of men are alone. There's not, I mean, if, I mean, if you look at the numbers and what women are attracted to in guys, if you kind of follow some of these interviews and things I've seen as you know, women generally want the guy, even if the woman's making money, she wants the guy to be making, at least what she's making, or more, preferably more, you know, they want them to be a certain height. And there's, there's some scientific evidence that the taller you are, the better you know, more attractive your you know, your your your appeared to be, yeah, you know, you got to have the project, the confidence, you know, kind of have the but not arrogance Exactly. There's a fine line. I mean, depends on what some women like that arrogance. Oh, yeah, you know they do. I mean, it's, that's a red flag. Well, it may be
Ian 17:32
for some people. I know someone specifically, they can come across as
Jason 17:36
I've known, I've known girls
Stoney 17:40
throughout, I'm talking about a woman that likes that arrogance. She's the red that's a red flag.
Jason 17:45
Yeah, it's, it's just, I mean, it's just kind of what it is. But, you know, guys generally going to be, I mean, I mean, we're in this predicament because our very nature, guys are, you know, women are looking at guys as a provider, regardless of what, how much money and material
Stoney 18:03
wealth, because they have, what's hers is hers, and what's yours is hers.
Jason 18:07
Well, yeah, that's true. I mean, at one time you're
Stoney 18:11
fixing to find out when she's finished moving in, and you lose more than half your space in that house.
Jason 18:16
Well, I mean, I've, well, I mean, you know, I don't know. I mean, I'm pretty much hardly used most of
Stoney 18:23
my that's a good save. No, that's a good thing. I'll be
Jason 18:27
honest with you. I mean, I knew when we were going this I knew where the relationship was going, that I knew life was going to change for me to a degree. And I'm fine with that, because I at this point my life. You know, it's sort of like, either you're going to do this or you're not just what it is. I mean, they can
Ian 18:47
be, like, mentally and emotionally prepared for that, right, as opposed to, like, being blindsided
Jason 18:51
by it exactly. I'm not. I went into this knowing fully that okay, if I'm gonna, if, if I want a relationship, then that means someone's going to move in, someone's going to bring in their stuff, right? And, and I'm will be sharing the space 5050, right? I'm going to try to make it as comfortable. I want that person to feel like that's their home too, because that's the way you do it. Now, we're not going to eventually stay where I'm at. Now, we'll eventually buy a house together, yeah? And then I think at that point it'll be truly a kind of a joy.
Stoney 19:27
That's when you'll lose it, right? That's when you'll lose it, because, right now, she's got to do the 5050, thing, but when you move in and you buy a house together, that's
Jason 19:38
gonna be so upset with you, Stoney, because she listens to this podcast. He's trying to scare you as all, none of that look it's so funny because people making jokes about amount of stuff by moving your stuff in and all that. And I was like, you know, I was throwing out all this and throwing all that, but in all reality, it needed to be thrown out. Because all I did was I looked at it for years, and just like you just never feel like dealing with it, because you're just by yourself, and the walls don't talk. So it just you always get around to it. When I get around to it, you know, so. But believe it or not, I like the way she is kind of organized, how the house has now been it just it looks better than it did. So, you know, a woman's touch, you know, God knows I needed help with that, because I am not an inside right type of guy. I love the outside.
Stoney 20:37
That's the deal y'all made. She can have the inside, the only, the
Jason 20:41
only, the only, the only thing I said, I said, my computer room is my room I control, right? And our new home, I told her. I said, that room you can decorate the house how you want that room will be decorated the way I want to have it decorated, because there's a certain theme I want to do, of course, but yeah, I mean, that's kind of part of the, you know, you know, the modern world and how relationships work. I mean, even back then, when, supposedly, women, you know, didn't have any rights and they couldn't vote and they couldn't do anything and then, for all intents and purposes, they were basically properties of their husbands. Even then women ran their households. They did. I mean, it's just, that's just the domestic home was run by the wife. So the
Stoney 21:33
husband may leave for two or three years on a ship. Exactly, she's left running the household and
Jason 21:39
raising the children, stuff like that, so that you know that whole that you know the kind of people. I don't think people really have a good understanding of how those relationships work, even back then, when they even when supposedly, well,
Stoney 21:56
that's been part of the attack on the American family, is getting people out of their place with with God's plan is getting the women out of the home. That's really been detrimental to American society, is getting the women out of the
Ian 22:12
home. The thing that's crazy for me is the fact that it's been, it's only been, probably, like 20 to 30 years, like, I think since, like, online dating became like a really, like big thing, or became like a viable option, really, it's, you know, I'm trying to think back to like the 80s and 90s, like that being a different time for like, the dating pool. But like, everything since 2000 and onward has been like a kind of evolving and changing thing to where, like, the landscape now, in like, the dating world is so much different than it was 30 years ago, 2030, years ago, I should tell you, it's quite different. And the thing, like, the thing is, like, you're, you're talking about all these things about, about dating and about, you know, like finding relationships and, you know, frameworks, and how, how things are organized in a household and so like that. And it's like, it's even, it's crazy how even just in my lifetime, like that has been a different thing altogether. And the fact there's younger people that are now, like in the dating pool, now that are have never experienced that, and probably will never experience like, just
Jason 23:25
Well, I think, I think, I mean that, look, the big common denominator here is what's changed relationships. It is the electronic age. It's, it's, you know, just like we talked about in the opening, it the digital world has has, has changed human interaction. It just has. Whereas in the past, you had to go out and meet people face to face.
Stoney 23:52
I got some stuff on that in my time the boomers 46 to 64 partners usually met through friends, work, school and church. Gen X, 65 to 80. That was through friends, work and bar scenes. Millennials is kind of when all of this kind of started taking off with some of the electronics and things like that. And it really has just taken off since there I can I can remember during my time, the minute you got serious about finding a mate. Do you know who you became friends with? Who the grandmas in the
Jason 24:34
church? Yep, because they would be saying, you know, I have a granddaughter
Stoney 24:38
well. But they also had been watching everybody grow up. They know what all the personalities were. They knew who was good at this, who was good at this, who could sew, who could cook, who could do all of this. When you got serious, you started hanging out with the grandmas, and you started helping them do their yard, or helping them fix the little electricity, the little plug. Got burned up at their house, and then word got
Jason 25:03
out, Yep, yeah. Well, it kind of goes back. It takes a community. That's how socially we organized ourselves. That's kind of how it all worked.
Stoney 25:15
And then the X Gen was the bar scene. And I hate to say this, I'm the last year of the boomer generation, so I kind of blend into both of those worlds. I can remember the 70s, 80s and the 90s, right in the bar scenes. Oh yeah, it was big time, and that's where you went to date and to hook up. I can remember a bunch of my friends asking me, how did you get three or four telephone numbers? Well, tell me what you did. Well, I went to the bar. You start talking. Tell me, what did you do? Well, I got a beer, and I sat at the bar, and I'd go ask a couple girls to dance. And I said, you're an idiot. I said, the next time you go to the bar, go with 234, friends, and then go sit at a table and you don't even have to talk. All you have to do is pretend like you're telling each other a joke and just laugh, because there's nothing more than infuriates a woman more than seeing a man do nothing is to see a man having fun without them. Exactly no there, and you just laugh, and you don't have to say anything. And, and, and they did that. He went out that weekend, and I asked him on Tuesday, I said, how many numbers did you
Jason 26:37
get? I got five. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I remember that.
Stoney 26:42
That's, that's, that was the game. That's how you did that.
Jason 26:45
You you met people, and that's how you broke the ice. And, yeah, no, I, I was very much fully in that world. I remember going to the clubs every you
Stoney 26:59
went past your night, you could go you had astigmatism on you. You were there by yourself drinking a beer and just looking at everybody. But if you were there with people, you were out socializing,
Jason 27:11
right? Yeah, you couldn't go out by yourself. That wasn't a thing interesting. Yeah, wasn't a thing back then
Stoney 27:18
and and I'll tell you this, if there was a girl that you were interested in and this guy was hogging her time, there was a very simple solution to that. You walked up right behind him, turned and and put your back toward him, and you fought it, and then you walked away. And that would clear him away, because she would walk away once she smelled that she was like, I'm out of there. And then that kind of freed her up to talk to, you see,
Ian 27:47
yeah, what a different world you guys lived in. It
Stoney 27:50
was, I know, it really, it was you just, it was a big game. It was a game.
Jason 27:55
I mean, Ian, you're, you're probably the, you know, the one that can really speak heavily on days in today's dating world, even though you're, yeah, you're getting now, you're getting to a point now where you're not quite where that used to be anymore. But I mean, when you were 18 years old, 17 years old, what? How was what was it like? How did you break the ice with girls?
Ian 28:22
Because the craziest thing now is, like, even from whenever I was 18 to right now, it is a different world. Even that short, should say short. It's probably it's been over a decade or so, even in even in this past 10 years, the landscape is, and I tell you, 100% different than it. What do you think has caused that a social media like, like social media and the fact that we all, all of our, all of our in person spaces are now digital spaces, a lot of like bars. I think that there was a point in time. I think people in my age bracket, and probably even a little older than me, I think, still go out to bars to hang out, to go see people, but like, younger generations don't go out to the bar. They don't, they don't drink, they don't. They may have spaces like that, but at least not in this context and where we are, and it's like a very interesting situation where, like, like I said before, I'm in this kind of this middle space now, where it's like, a lot of these, a lot of these places we used to, like, congregate at, like, like, physical spaces in my youth, like, aren't, don't exist anymore, or if it does, then they're you don't go there to go to go date people. You go there, like, with a date. So, like, you go online, you go to a dating app, you find the person, and you go to that thing, so it's like, there's no, like, the code, once
Jason 29:45
again, you're finding your potential mate via the computer.
Ian 29:51
Yeah, a lot of times, a lot of times it's not even I again, I don't know the the female. I. Perception of this, but I've heard it from a lot of friends of mine that a lot of it isn't even like deep diving into the person. A lot of it is just like judging a book by its cover, which kind of even hurts your feelings, or hurts my feelings even more when it's like, I know I have a lot to give, but like, if I'm not the most attractive person there, I'm not going to get a match or whatever, and that's what that's the
Stoney 30:22
purpose hard. Back in my time, the 70s and the early 80s, you could be ugly and still hook up. Yeah, the world was completely different. Now, with the age of this social media, like you said, everybody has to look a certain way. You got hair done a certain way, or this thing back then, you could have big old buck teeth and and just be ugly, and there's still gonna be somebody for you.
Ian 30:47
The problem is, I think, today, right now, that I've experienced, is that no one can be normal. Social media has not only like Tiktok and trends and social media, but like dating apps as well. Like, you either have to be the most attractive person, or if you're not, you have to be outrageously good at something like the best in the world. To be to be famous on the internet, to like, to become a potential person. Like, if you're just an average person, and I'm not saying this is I'm being I'm hyper generalizing here. I know that there are normal people that do find normal people, but I'm just talking about in the social media aspect, as well as like online dating that I've experienced. I don't think I'm the most attractive person in the world, but I do have some qualities that I do think I can shine, that makes me shine as a person, but it's hard to like translate that across a dating app. And that's the thing like that. I feel like we see online a whole lot is like, either they're the most attractive, the prettiest person in the world becomes the most famous person, or it's this person who like, maybe an average person, but they can, like, they can do this thing like nobody else can, or whatever. And it's crazy that like, it's it's hard to just be normal,
Jason 32:02
30% of US adults have used a dating app or website. Oh, yeah. They say 66% of users are age 18 to 29 Yeah. And they said the global market was valued about 9.2 billion in 2022 Yep. And was projected to reach that again in 2025 the hard part about and Tinder is the most popular app, boasting 75 million plus monthly users globally. So good old Tinder.
Ian 32:36
You know, it's not, it's not good,
Stoney 32:38
but I think it's, it's creating some other things too. The medium age for first marriage hit a US record in 2024 about 30 for men, and 28 and 29 for women, up from 23 and 21 in 1970 so we're getting we're getting married a decade later than our grandparents, or no or, you know,
Jason 33:04
yeah, well, I mean, look, as I'm saying, I mean, I'm at my age now, this will be my first marriage. So, I mean, I, you know, it's just what it is. I mean, I think people are, you know, as we, our societies become, I think, as the economy has become, you know, uncertain, I think with money and the cost of raising families, and I think it scares a lot of people from really, you know, actively seeking that at early ages, as in the past.
Ian 33:38
And I've talked about that before, too, right? Exactly, by the time my dad was, by the time my dad was my age, he had already had three kids in a household that he was like he
Jason 33:49
was supporting, yeah, right, so that's what I'm saying. But see, back, you know, back then, or even before that, a little bit a man a sink, a man could work at one job, yeah, and support his entire family, and put them through college, and put them to college and retire it, and the wife and the wife could stay home and raise the kids and actually, you know, offer the children a lot of that social bonding that is so critical that I think a lot of I think it's hurt our society with with both parents now working and, and I'm not, you know, getting into the, you know, this or that with it. I'm just saying there has been social consequences with, you know, putting kids in daycare and, and it's just cost so much more money now to do anything so a lot of families, but my mom and dad both have to work.
Stoney 34:39
Well, it took me a minute, but I found it. There's a quote, women belong in the kitchen. Men belong in the kitchen. Everyone belongs in the kitchen. Kitchen has food.
Jason 34:52
Yeah, you're right. That's right, you know,
Stoney 34:56
I think it's funny, but, you know, come on. Yeah, you know, when you start messing with the American family and this attack and putting taking things out of place, it's hard.
Jason 35:10
It's just, it's hard. Well, it's, it's in that has been a kind of a dominant political theme that you'll hear talk about. It's, you'll hear people challenging elected officials. You need to make having kids and family life that to make that more desirable, where people feel like I can do this, and, you know, and survive, and I'm not, you know, just scraping by with the my, you know, barely making it. I now, at the same time, I'm also, people have got to be realistic, and people can't have what their parents had, right? When I get started, your parents didn't have that. They worked toward a nicer home. Most families, they started off. You look at some of these starter homes, they were tiny, you know? I mean, that's just where they start. And then they they kind of got, made a little bit more extra money.
Stoney 36:16
And then my mom and dad's first house is less than cost, less than the interest you pay on a new truck today.
Jason 36:23
Yeah, and people raise entire families of that. Yep, you know. So it's just what it is,
Ian 36:29
I think a new thing too, that's also kind of sad to hear about, that I feel like a lot of my friends talk about is like the the place that they are finding people that they are kind of interested in is at their workplace. That's the place they're spending the most amount of time.
Stoney 36:46
I mean, you have something in common with them. That's the first comment, but it's all that's also one of the big things about cheating on someone too, is a lot of the cheaters are found at work too
Jason 36:58
well. I mean, that's what happens, because you spend a lot of time at work time. So what I'm
Ian 37:04
saying is, like, that's, that's the place that they're going to try, that that's the sad part about it, is like, that you can't, like, there's no
Jason 37:10
other, there's no other kind of another place away from the work environment to meet people. Yeah, I know. I mean, it's
Stoney 37:16
a lot of times when I was single, um, I, I have interest in life, and I concentrated on those and that's what I hoped I would find someone in that arena, because I already knew they were somewhat interested in something that I was interested in. And right now, people are so on what they're interested in. It seems like it's just hard to find somebody. And so the web is there because you can put anything you want as an interest. And you look at that person, they go, there's no way, right? You 450 pounds and going hiking in the mountains? Well, yeah,
Jason 38:00
the thing about it, most of these dating apps and, you know, Facebook profiles, it's, it's always presenting individuals at their very best. I mean, it's, it's, it's almost really kind of an unrealistic view what you want your very right? It's an unrealistic view of life. I mean, life is, is messy. There's days you're going to be it's going to be bad. Some it's going to be good. It's just, you know, and I think sometimes it just gives all this, this kind of false persona, and that's why you find this. What happens people, oh, it's just look like they're leading this exciting life, and in reality, no, they're just some plain Jane dude or gal, you know, just go, you know, making their way through life. I mean, so. But I read a stat, and I don't have it here in front of me. Maybe you can Google it, the chances of meeting a spouse go down dramatically after college if you don't meet your particular whoever you're going to marry while you're in college, the chance of meeting somebody drops precipitously. I read that it's been it's been a while back that I saw that. I don't remember where I read that at, but the chances of meeting go down dramatically. And it's just simply, because a lot of times you're not going to be in environments where you can meet people at because while you're in college, you're around, I mean, you're around a lot of females, or your females around a lot of guys. So there's a lot of interaction on a constant day to day basis, where it
Stoney 39:37
seems like, back in my time there and later, there's more women on a college campus. There's more so the female to male ratio is a little bit higher.
Jason 39:47
Well, there's now more women going to college. So it's, it's kind of flip, because back in old old times, there's a lot of guys
Stoney 39:55
just went into the trades, right? Exactly? You know, it's just different, yeah. There's a quote here I find really interesting. Social media is training us to compare our lives instead of appreciating everything we are. No wonder everyone is so depressed.
Jason 40:12
Yeah, you're right. 45% of Americans say they met their partner via online dating rap that was the most common method. Harry says, among straight couples, only eight to 13% actually met via Apps for same sex couples. It's around 24% based upon these numbers, 20% of online daters have used dating apps to find a serious relationship. They said the success rate for online dating leading to marriage is roughly 39% divorce rates are lower for couples who met online compared to those who met offline, 16% to 21% that, to me, that surprises me a little bit. Yeah, that's kind of kind of goes against the conventional, you know, kind of understanding of how that works. But yeah, according to this, these numbers, over 60% of users now express concern about data privacy, I could see that. Yeah, and now with AI, you can see how that could change things up.
Stoney 41:31
There was a companion to that quote I want to throw in there before I forget it. The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes to everyone else's highlight reel. We were talking about that in the pre show with the n, i, L, and what it's doing to college football. And everybody's looking for the highlight reel. They're not looking for the real meat of what's going on. And when you're sitting there in your life and you're kind of doom scrolling, trying to go to bed, and you're looking at what everybody else says is their greatest life, but you're thinking about what you're going through on a day to day basis. It's all it's going to do is cause stress and depression in people. That's right. Why can't my life be like that? Why can I not be happy with what I have? Why can't I have that too? Because they're fake. They're not real.
Ian 42:26
But that's, that's I'm saying before. Is it that that is the ubiquitous thing online? Is it like I'm just agreeing with people? Yeah, people that make it, you know, that's, that's all it is. So if you want fake, it is, it is fake to a degree, but there is a portion of that that is real. There is a there is a percentage of that, a small percentage that has, that has been over inflated across social media, so that we, we all see this person that is the best at what they do, the absolute best at what they do, the smallest percentage, or the most attractive people in the world, and everyone is flocking towards them, and so, and that is what that is, the thing of like, if I want to make it, I have to be either of those two things. That's what I'm saying. Is like and, and some of it is curated. Like, if you're looking about, we're talking about like, you know, people in your community that are kind of curating a certain look on their social media, then that's probably, you know, not their truest self, but,
Stoney 43:21
but these social media people aren't stars, they aren't celebrities, they're fake and they're stupid. None of the point I'm trying to make. Absolutely they are, because those people mean nothing to me either. Zero, because it's like the dating thing. There's the little picture of the girl asking the guy, I mean, the guy asking the girl, what do you do for a living? Oh, I'm a model on Instagram. What do you do? Oh, I'm a soldier on Call of Duty. And that's people's real lives. Just because you've taken a couple of pictures on Instagram means, by no sense, that you are a model. I know what it means is, is that you have a neurosis in your head, that you think your life is important enough that you can see people want to see you just shutting down things and taking pictures that's not that's not real life.
Ian 44:13
But in in the past few years, those people will make more money than average people,
Stoney 44:20
because other people are stupid and well, because the
Ian 44:22
advertisers, advertisers, and because of and I hate to say it, I don't want to say it, but only fans is a big thing as well. That is, you are huge. You are an Instagram you may be a court. You're saying you're comparing an Instagram model to a quote, unquote soldier on Call of Duty, whereas that is, that can be further from what was reality right now, a quote, unquote model on Instagram, they can just take pictures, can make more money than all three of us combined in a month. And I and I can guarantee that I've seen numbers. I know statistics.
Stoney 44:53
I'm not stupid, and I know I know to buy that.
Ian 44:55
Well, what I'm saying is, is that that is the context that is the modern world. Yeah, there used to be a time a decade ago where it was all just curated, you know, vacation experiences your friend would have like it was this look, and again, we would all strive for that. But now it is even more solidified in that space of like it is now even more so that way, and that's what I'm saying, is like you look online, and not only is this person maybe average looking, but is like, the one percentile of this person that can do this thing, or the most attractive person you've ever seen in your life, and they're getting all this money, and you can, you know that they're making money off of this. We all do, or at least that's, that's, that is the people in my bracket do now. And that's the reality. You look at this and you're like, if I, if I want to be worth something, I either have to be the best of the best at this, or I got to be smoking hot. And that's and there's no in between. And that's what I'm saying, is like. So you look at that, and now there is, like, I think there's a lot of younger people that I think are now growing up with the idea that, like, there is value in this. Oh yeah,
Jason 46:01
is getting affirmed.
Stoney 46:03
When I first met Miranda's son, yeah, I asked him, What do you want to be when you grow up? I want to be a tick tock
Ian 46:08
star, exactly, because he knows that if he can be, if he can get popular enough by this one little goofy thing or whatever, and it pops off, he can make a lot of money off of it and that. And that is like
Jason 46:20
the, I mean, just think about that's I'm saying, what's so appealing you that is, yeah, I don't have to go to a job on right, get up at a certain time. I don't have to account to a boss. I don't have to, yeah. I mean, I could see the allure of that. I mean, especially if you can make money doing that and live the life you want to live. Now, I don't know what that means long term, yeah, but that's why, and that's why the allure of that, I hate
Ian 46:43
to say it, but like that, is also the whole that is the problem. The big problem with only fans. You have a bunch of young women that are now of age and like you have the choice that if you are attractive enough, you can just be scantily clad enough and sell your images
Jason 47:02
and make a lot, make a lot of money. And I don't really have to do and you
Ian 47:06
don't have to do anything, no. And it's even gotten to a point now where, like, you can they pay for messages. So you just, like you just almost they monetize everything you text, you text them in a certain way, and they can make money off yeah, and that is a trillion dollar industry, I can almost guarantee that like is going towards people like that. And that's why I think that's there. Is why there's a new, a large percentage of younger women now that are, like, growing up in this thing of like, oh, so like, I don't have to be, I can be just attractive enough, and I don't have to work really.
Stoney 47:37
But that only fans thing is not advertisers. That's some you're right on the other side of the computer going, I pay $1,000 for you to send
Ian 47:47
me a text. And what I'm saying that that is, and that's what I'm saying about the the more illicit side of it, the the more the more public side it's advertisers. You have a tick tock star, you have an Instagram person that is just popular enough, and they'll start doing brand deals. Influencers, influencers, yes, they get to a certain point where, like, if they can get you can guarantee enough watches, listens, views, whatever you're gonna make money off of it. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Is like that. So, like, there was, I think, a curated, I think importance and like, oh, like a, I think what has turned into what was once upon a time, like just perceived value in this person, because they have, like, a nice, fancy lifestyle now there is, like monetary value in it. That's why, I think that's why it's like, shifted over the course of the past few years, especially like post covid. Everything changed on the internet. I feel like, after that, oh yeah. And now we're in, we're in a whole new world now. We're like, it's now.
Stoney 48:54
We're in a whole new world of catfish and mail order brides on the internet too, which is a whole nother thing of stupidity, but now it's rampant. It's you're talking trillion dollar industries. It's unbelievable. The numbers behind that, yeah,
Jason 49:12
I'm looking at here and Ian, you may know more about this ghosting. Approximately 60% of US adults report report having been ghosted. 45% admit to ghosting someone and actually, the numbers range anywhere from 60% to 74% Yeah. And in fit, up to 50% of adults have ghosted someone else. And it said among Gen Z and millennials, ghosting is especially common. 85 84% have experienced it, and as a result of that, they say 60% of ghosts and individuals report negative impacts on self esteem. Yeah, 59% experience anxiety or depression and. And they said some of the common reasons for it avoiding confrontation. 65% lost interest, 41% and perceived kindness. 42% say significant portion of singles. 57% view ghosting as immature, while 41% see it as emotional abuse.
Stoney 50:22
It is emotional abuse. I agree with that one.
Jason 50:25
Yeah. I mean, it's, uh, it's different here now. I mean,
Ian 50:29
I think it's, I think it's people don't, don't care. And a big thing,
Jason 50:35
Gen Z and millennials are challenging traditional dating norms. They say 50% across both groups find financial openness attractive, compared to just 23% for baby boomers, yeah, 31% of Americans have canceled dates due to financial concerns. Interesting discussions about money happen early for many.
Stoney 51:04
That should be once you start dating, you should, you know, and you're dating serious, those things should be out on the table.
Jason 51:12
They say on Bumble 52% of women globally identify as romantics. 86% say affection now comes through micromance like me, like memes, playlists or inside jokes, interesting, okay,
Stoney 51:31
well, the Gen, the Gen Xers were the, what did you call the tapes? The crap? When you made a tape for a girl, you had to sit there and actually press record when the radio, what did you call those tapes? Mixtape, mix tape. Thank you. You know y'all were the mixtape error. Oh yeah,
Jason 51:53
I remember that 37
Stoney 51:55
it was special when you gave a girl a mixtape
Jason 51:58
that was serious. Yeah, 37% of women report that romantic deficiency negatively affects their dating experience.
Ian 52:11
Hmm, interesting,
Jason 52:13
yeah, say, nearly 46% of singles value quirky or niche interests in a partner, and 49% of Gen Z sees geeking out together as intimate. Yeah, it's amazing how they
Stoney 52:28
show it's funny how little things you go huh? I remember when I first met Miranda, one of the things that truly attracted me to her, actually, was two things. One, together, we have a 5000 book library. And number two, she had a whole shelf in the refrigerator for chocolate, yeah, whole shelf dedicated to chocolate. And I'm like, Yeah, I like this.
Jason 52:55
And some of these are kind of like, like, that's a given. Like, 95% say future worries affect who and how they date. 59% of women want emotionally stable partners, and 27% expect these conversations earlier in the dating timeline.
Stoney 53:15
Well, I remember when I first started dating Miranda, I looked at her and I wondered, how would this person react in the zombie apocalypse, looking for the future? How is it, if the world this shit hits the fan, is this person going to be a benefit or a detriment to to life? And of course, she's a firearms instructor like me, so I knew she'd be a height.
Jason 53:40
So here's some some interesting numbers here. According to a YouGov Times poll, 62% of Gen Z reported they and their friends do not commonly have one night stands while, while, only 23% have hooked up casually. Yeah, a notable contrast to millennials. Two decades ago, about 21% of Gen Z view marriage as irrelevant, versus 39% of millennials in 2004
Ian 54:12
yep, I think a lot of that's also like religious stuff too. Like the shift over from religion, I think is a big point of that. I think I'm not I think in the modern world, there's not a whole lot of incentive for getting married. And then, of course, if you remove some religious beliefs from that, I think it loses a lot of that 100% agree,
Stoney 54:33
100% agree. But I think that's changing. I think that pendulum, and you look at some of the the censuses taken after the last election, a lot of the younger, younger people are going back to church, yeah, and they're starting to look at the old ways. I saw this thing. It was a news article. It wasn't on Tiktok. It was. It was something where, all of the sudden, the young, the kids that. Are now 1819, and 20 year olds that are having children are developing the F around and find out mentality in raising their kids, because this softer approach with the kids and being sweet with them. What do they call it gentle parenting? Or, well, there's some name for it. It was a general parenting annual thing, yeah. And now the the Gen Xers are going, excuse me, that's not new, you know, but you can have it, because we're tired of hearing these kids scream in the restaurants and things like that every time you tell them no and so but now they're, they're going back to this older way, rather than raising their kids, they're finding churches. They're finding that these things matter. I think, I think I wonder if that's going to affect the dating world.
Jason 55:51
I think it will, because, I mean religion definitely, you know, has determined how courtship has occurred throughout. I mean, a lot of people, you know, one of the things Christianity actually did that was so different from what the pagan world offered, was it actually gave women dignity. A lot of people don't, you know, as much, you know, mud gets thrown at Christianity as this or that, or whatever the case may be. A lot of people don't realize the things we take for granted today came about by the idea that everybody has dignity in the pagan world, in the ancient world, that wasn't the case, that's right at all. And a lot of people go, you know, wonder that somehow that was a more enlightened time. I said, probably wasn't. But, you know, you just, you don't understand the stuff you're taking for granted. How that slow march of time, you know what Christianity did to actually give women dignity as as somebody in their own right. So, yeah, I mean, it definitely religion will, will play a part. So what you, Stoney, you were saying about a lot of Gen Z are flocking back to traditional forms of religion, specifically, a lot of the kind of the Old Main Line, you know, a lot of I saw some numbers where there's a resurgence of Gen Z, going back to Catholic, to Catholic mass. There's drawn back to the Latin some of the more kind of the old traditional forms of of Christian worship. I saw some very positive numbers, even on Protestant side, on some of the main line, Protestant churches, I think the more evangelical type churches, are still kind of running about the same, yeah, I didn't look at their numbers completely, but they've been kind of steady. They, matter of fact, during the time when you saw some of these other ones really dropping off, they kind of maintain a little bit of an increase, but they've kind of leveled out to a degree. But, you know, it's encouraging that that younger people are are kind of tired the world is not giving them of what, supposedly, what was promised them that, and it's they're finding emptiness there. So that that's, I'll be very interesting how that plays out with this topic, how that drives dating practices, how that all that, how that kind of folds together. It'd be very interesting to see they say 77% of older millennials and 75% of younger millennials seek serious relationships. 43% favor monogamy, while another 43% embrace non monogamy. Millennials average eight sexual partners. Wow, yeah. So I don't know what the average sexual partners for Gen X and Boomers right would be. I'd have to, I don't have less probably. Well, you know, I don't know. You know, a lot of boomers came in during the sexual revolution, the relaxing of sexual norms. And you know what was coming back in the 60s, there's a lot of people just kind of having free sex and free drugs. I mean, so I don't know, um, yes, but yeah, is it 37 36% believe apps make trust harder.
Ian 59:48
100% especially as you talked about with ghosting, that's a big thing too. Yeah? Well, the second someone is doesn't want confrontation or isn't interested, whatever, you can just disappear. It's like, why would I?
Jason 59:59
And. Tell you what's driving that they don't want confrontation. I've noticed it just just dealing with people. It's because we've buried ourselves in social media and hiding behind the screen that we can't talk to people anymore. So when you can't talk to people, you can't diffuse situations, you can't, you know, look for solutions, because you're too afraid to look somebody in the eye, yeah, and actually talk to them, right? You know. So it's, I don't know how you break out of that. I really don't. Because, I mean, everybody's kind of into that. And I mean, of course, nobody likes confrontation. Who likes confrontation? Because sometimes confrontation can lead to very bad things, right?
Ian 1:00:42
But, but I don't, but I don't think that this is confrontation. I think when I say that I'm talking about it, well, the littlest in the littlest stress. It produces stress. It is easier path of least resistance. It is easier to just not respond and not talk to somebody than say than to look or to message them, or to admit, hey, I'm not interested in you. That I think nowadays takes a lot more
Stoney 1:01:07
Well, that's one of the things. You're sitting there on a date with somebody, and they never put their phone down, but then it takes them two days to respond to your text.
Ian 1:01:18
I'm not even talking about, like meeting in person. I'm talking about, I'm just
Stoney 1:01:21
talking about in general. It's just really,
Jason 1:01:24
yeah, only 26% are looking for committed relationships. 57% of millennial women prefer splitting bills on the first dates. 48% have gone on dates just for free food. Yeah, I've experienced that. Yeah, emotional connection, compatibility and financial stability are the key factors, yeah,
Ian 1:01:52
which is increasingly hard to find.
Jason 1:01:54
Yeah, Gen X and baby boomers, the dating style, the differences. Gen X is a 19% of online daters and Boomers make about 5% which seems about right. Yes, Gen X requires less than 30% of distance as notice,
Stoney 1:02:15
it's funny, you said that about the free food. I can remember. I don't know, maybe was 2010 or something. Excuse me, I can't remember the exact time, but went out on a date, paid for the date, but then, as we're getting ready to close up, she had three kids. She ordered food for her three kids because I needed to feed those three kids too. Nope, I might have been the first Ghoster because I never called her back again.
Jason 1:02:45
You got to be careful with some of that. They said Gen X splits, first date tabs, 47% for a man paying and 46% for splitting. Boomers start conversations more often and with longer first messages versus fewer for younger generations, which would make sense, because boomers, they abbreviate everything. Boomers, you know, once again, you you had to engage people, you had to talk to people, and that's just how you met people and how you develop relationships. Older generations prefer calls over text set dates. Younger prefer digital messaging. So, I mean, that's, I think we've kind of, you know, yeah, that's kind of the way it goes. And I
Ian 1:03:33
think, like I said, a lot of that is because, also it's easier to just, I think nobody likes talking on the phone anymore, which I think has been unfortunate. But, like, I think a lot of the, a lot of those, a lot of the texts can be on your time. It can be whenever you want. And I think it also kind of goes back around to, like, being so busy, quote, unquote, you know, people like to say that
Jason 1:03:54
making a phone call is very intentional, yeah, that's what you know, because now you're, you're making contact with somebody, you're commanding their attention. Yeah, versus attacks. Yeah, you can look at it whenever you you look at it. So I guess it everybody feels like everybody's busy, and a lot of people are busy, but,
Ian 1:04:18
yeah, it's crazy. Well,
Jason 1:04:23
it's been a, you know, I said this, I would love to have, I've heard, a woman's perspective on the dating world, and just to, just to kind of give us their yeah standpoint on, you know, their experiences as guys, our perspective is generally one way,
Ian 1:04:44
from what I've heard in conversations that I've had leading up to this, is that women have a lot easier time on dating apps finding people, not making it easier. As far as like, confrontation with crazy people, but like have. A lot easier time. Because I think the same sort of mentality like we're talking about, I think a lot more men are willing to just like, swipe and communicate and like, are just open to anybody, as opposed to, I think, on the women's side, being more curated, more specific. So I think, I think men have a lot harder time on dating apps.
Jason 1:05:19
Statistically, it's always gonna be harder for men, because men, regardless of what women do, yeah, the man is is always going to be looked at. What do you bring to the table? What do you I mean? And I hate to say it, but they're just a lot of guys that just don't have a lot going for them. They just don't, and it's it, it really it. Women, by their very nature, are looking for someone that is that's going to take care of them, what, regardless of whether they can take care of themselves, deep down, that they want somebody that's is going to be there to take care of them and to help them, and you know, they're going to want that security. And unfortunately, today's world, it's you have a lot of women chasing basically the top 10% of men out there, with a lot of guys that just sit at home, and there's a lot of guys who've just thrown out into Look, I'm just out of the game.
Stoney 1:06:25
I mean, I think it was Chris Rock. He said only women, children or dogs, and dogs are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved under the condition that he provides something. And I believe that, yeah,
Jason 1:06:41
well, I think, look, I mean, this fundamentally goes back to the nature of men and women and how relationship that, that whole thing worked. And unfortunately, we've kind of morphed into a world that, I think, you know, this, this attack on manhood. Yeah, the whole your heart, the toxic Max masculinity talk. And I think for a lot of guys, a lot of guys have just gotten afraid. It's like, I I can't just, I can't approach a woman anymore because she thinks I'm raping
Stoney 1:07:14
but what's one of the most popular songs of your era? What have you done for me lately? Right? Yeah, how popular was that song? It was very popular. What have you done for me lately that's been
Jason 1:07:25
I just, I just think a lot of guys are just, I hate say it, and I can see if I was back 25 years old again, yeah, and trying to navigate how a guy is supposed to approach a girl and start a conversation without basically being viewed as some predator. Okay, I think I don't know how they do it anymore, because, I mean, because I'm telling you, if the way we used to do it today, you'd probably get charged with, you know, depending
Ian 1:07:59
on the setting. Yes, it all depends on, I think a lot of, a lot of a lot of that nowadays. It depends on where you are, no doubt, I think, as long as you have, and this is not, gosh, I don't even know how to word this diplomatically and not sound mean. I know a lot of people in the modern age don't have good social skills, and that is something that I've realized growing up in this world. And I think that is something that you need to have is like good social skills, being able to understand some social cues, being able to understand when you're probably being a bit too much too aggressive. Are you coming on a bit too forward? Having self awareness is a big thing, and that's something that, you know, I've been working on,
Stoney 1:08:46
but that's what I'm saying. What was the movie that came out a while back? He was kind of a dominator guy, I don't know, popular the gray something crap.
Jason 1:09:01
Talking about the guy who hired the woman to be a
Ian 1:09:06
all I was trying to say was, is, for me right now, is like, as being able to understand, like, whenever you're potentially making somebody uncomfortable, and being able to, like, work around that is a big thing. And if you're, if you're in the right settings with friends. I think even still, now in the modern age, you can find somebody because I think I'm even at a point now because I'm being more open with myself and allowing myself to kind of get back out there, because I was a bit sheltered for a minute because I was sad. But now it's been about a year or so out, and I think I'm getting to a point now where I can get myself back out there a little bit, and just being friendly and being open and being honest with yourself is, I think, still something that regardless of the digital age, I think you can still find somebody as long as you're in the right context of the right friends
Jason 1:09:55
and with people. Oh, there's no doubt. So I'm a firm believer in that. I'm trying not to
Ian 1:09:59
get into. Involved in dating apps, even though I feel like I'm going to have to eventually, because it's like, that is hard to meet somebody. Where do you go meet somebody? Correct? I have recently was at a coffee shop and had just made a joke with somebody across the way because of something that was going on in the shop, and we struck up a conversation. Nothing has come of it, but it's like little things like that, where it's like being social in public. Sometimes everyone is so blinders on, do what they have to do at the grocery store or at the coffee shop or whatever else. And sometimes, just like having somebody break that normal and like shaking a hand and saying, like, Hey, how's it going? Like, you know, just talking with somebody and, you know, being a little bit more social, even though maybe a bit uncomfortable, and just kind of like trying that out. It's like with any skill, I feel like you only get better by doing it, and so the more you're able to just kind of break that awkwardness out and kind of just be a little bit more forward and just be a personable and somewhat kind of charismatic person, I think you get better with it as as you do it. But I'm not saying it's easy.
Stoney 1:11:02
There was a movie that came out. I can't remember the name of it, but it was kind of, this was the premise, the bondage.
Jason 1:11:09
Yeah, that was, that was the, I know exactly the movie. He was
Stoney 1:11:13
a rich guy. He was a rich guy. He basically 50 Shades of Gray. 50 Shades of Gray. The only reason that that that movie was popular and Okay, was because he was a billionaire. Had he been a working class guy, his ass would have went to jail, okay, but he was a billionaire. So it's okay. I'm saying, is it again? You can No, I was trying to agree with you, and just couldn't remember,
Jason 1:11:37
the wealthier, the wealthier man is, the more I've always said this, the wealthier you are, the more deficiencies that oftentimes, women will overlook simply because of the material. Yes, reward for that. There are a lot of people that are probably in those kind of relationships that may not she may not be happy, right? But it's too good to let go, because she knows if she did end up with a working class guy, that I'm not going to live in the certain type of house, I'm not going to drive the same type of car, I'm not going to have access to all the material, the finer things of life. You're right. And look, I get it, I really do. Because I guarantee that working class dude wishes he was where the billionaire was. Of course, it's just human nature. We always want
Ian 1:12:29
that. But at the end of the day, if you can make someone laugh and you can make them feel wanted, I think that is something that can also transcend that sometimes absolutely I
Jason 1:12:37
would agree. I would agree totally with you, and I'm not, I'm not advocating for that, and I'm just saying they are relationships out there that that's exactly how they work. Yeah, it's a transactional relationship, and there are some people that's all they
Ian 1:12:55
want. And I think a reason why I was I was hammering home when I was a little bit earlier ago, was talking to those people like you were talking to myself, and also those younger people, men and women that are probably having a hard time right now getting out there and are leading destructive lifestyles and are hermits or whatever. You're only going to get better at talking with people by talking with people and by just getting out of your comfort zone a little bit, if you're gonna just stay on social media, if you're gonna stay cooped up, it's not gonna help you out at all with like, holding a conversation, looking a person in the eyes, and just being able to talk with them and share interests like you only get better. I think by
Jason 1:13:35
doing this, I met, I met Tracy in church. There you go, which is probably one of the best, better places to meet somebody.
Ian 1:13:43
So one of the classic examples of where you could probably find at one time,
Jason 1:13:47
that's kind of where you met your your social kind of how it worked. But in the modern world, you know, it's more secular, less religious. And so there are other avenues for people to meet people, but yeah, I mean, it's,
Ian 1:14:02
there's not a large age group where, where I'm currently at, and that's the part that kind of sad.
Jason 1:14:07
Well, there's, there's a that's, that's a problem. And the question is, as well, where is you? Look around, where is everybody? Where are they at? Yeah, because I can't find them, yeah.
Ian 1:14:18
Or if they are, they're already married with children, and
Stoney 1:14:21
that's also why I said find that's why, that's why Find your passion and follow that, and then you'll find somebody in that same thing.
Jason 1:14:30
I forget where that stat I read about, the chances of meeting a life partner, drops after someone leaves college, because you're not going to be in settings where you can meet people, unless you get lucky, or maybe you meet somebody at a work function or something like that. But your world now is going to be limited. You go work for a company or whatever. You're kind of got the same social circle. Yeah, it's gonna it's kind of fixed. Just at that point, whereas, while you're in school, there's a lot of turnovers, a lot of people you're running into, so there's a greater chance of meeting somebody. But I forget what that number is that that I saw that the chances drop quite a bit. That's why a lot of people, I knew, a lot of girls, back when I was, you know, I've it. That's what they wanted to do? Yeah, they meet their husband in college, and that's it. As soon as they graduate, they're married and they begin their deal. So, I mean, yeah, interesting.
Stoney 1:15:31
Oh, that's a good way to hedge the bet. Basically, you're going to college, pick what you think is going to be the most successful guy coming out of college who can get same girls. Wouldn't talk to that nerd in high school, but now that nerd is starting these startups and all this stuff like that, the nerds gonna be the one making the money. So that's the one they wound up with.
Jason 1:15:49
Exactly. I agree, totally. It's, you know, it's funny how that works, but yeah, it's oftentimes it, it kind of the coin gets flipped, so to speak. But yeah, I mean, look at the end of the day, it's, you know, relationships, women want, want, want security. And I understand that that's kind of goes back to that primal, oh yeah, you know, that primal desire of, you know, if I marry this Hunter, he's going to bring food, he's going to provide, he's going to protect the village, he's he gives me the best chance of of surviving and bringing children the world and and keeping everything going. So it's just it's changed in the modern world, but those fundamental desires are still there. Yeah, so, oh
Ian 1:16:35
yeah, interesting stuff. Wow. Well, I'm curious to hear what people's opinions on this kind of subject door, because I'm pretty sure we definitely have offended somebody
Stoney 1:16:45
today, pretty sure I have, well,
Jason 1:16:48
not, I mean, it's, I think we've talked about, is, it's just kind of what's there. I mean, sometimes it might be uncomfortable to talk about, but making that true
Ian 1:16:57
exactly, well for anybody out there who does want, does want to reach out to us? We have the YouTube comments. We have Spotify comments and our email address getting it fitted together@gmail.com, be sure to like and subscribe whatever platform that you're a part of and share a lot yes and
Stoney 1:17:12
share, share this. Send this to a friend. Yes.
Ian 1:17:17
And until next week, thank you so much for listening. Bye,
Jason 1:17:19
bye, goodbye everyone, and God bless.
Stoney 1:17:21
We're all looking for the same thing, to be seen, to be chosen, to feel safe enough to be ourselves. Technology hasn't changed that. It just changed the on ramp. So let's make a promise tonight, we will not confuse attention for affection, secrecy for intimacy or pressure for passion, we'll slow down. We'll check the faces on video before we have coffee. We'll keep first dates in public and our rides in our own hands. We'll say our boundaries out loud and believe people when they show us how they handle them. We'll guard our wallets like our hearts, because love doesn't send in voices, and urgency isn't intimacy. When a date isn't right, we'll choose the kindest truth over the easiest silence. If you're re entering the arena, you're not behind, you're just wiser. If you've been burned, you're not broken, you're just informed. Share this episode with someone who needs a nudge toward courage. Follow retrospect for more conversations that make the modern life a little saner from us here at retrospect, may your first date feel safe enough to be honest and honest enough to be hopeful. You're the best. Peace.